Are you trying to decide whether divorce is your only option for your marriage?
If you or your partner are considering divorce, but you're not sure that's the right path for you, you're in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling was designed for you--it's a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at the options for your marriage.
Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples in which one partner is "leaning out"--and not sure that couples therapy would help--and one partner is "leaning in"--and wanting to repair and rebuild the relationship.
I will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later. The goal is for you to gain confidence and clarity about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and the possibilities that exist for reconnection.
So is this pre-therapy?
Yes, and no.
Yes, because you may decide through the Discernment Counseling process that you would like to work together in therapy to repair your relationship. The Discernment Counseling protocol respects the fact that you each have good reasons to be in the spot you're in, and unless and until those are sorted and both partners want to proceed with therapy, it's not a good idea. It's completely okay to be ambivalent, and you'll each be treated with compassion and respect.
No, because choosing therapy is not the only outcome of Discernment Counseling. You may choose, after careful consideration, to separate and divorce. If you each consider your contributions to the problems and your resources for solutions, you'll be in a better place to separate and divorce collaboratively and with less rancor. This will be useful in future relationships if this one ends.
Thirdly, you could decide to do nothing and just let things continue as they are. Doing that as a conscious decision is a different thing, though, from just letting it happen.
How long does it last?
A maximum of 5 sessions. The first session is 2 hours, and subsequent sessions are 90 minutes. It will be your choice at the end of each session whether to continue.
Is Discernment Counseling for any couple having problems and thinking about divorce?
No, in these three situations, Discernment Counseling is not appropriate:
If one partner has already made a decision to divorce;
If one partner is coercing the other to participate;
If there is domestic violence in your relationship.
How do we get started?
Email paige@paigenumata.com to determine if Discernment Counseling could help you choose a path forward.
Where could we learn more?
The Discernment Counseling site is a good resource for any questions you may have. You are welcome to email me with any questions. An email does not obligate you to begin counseling or therapy.
